Kp Message 2-1-20… “GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!” (or, “I’ve never wanted to “escape where I am at” any more than I did today”)

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

That’s all I felt today. At least much of today. Most of today.

Took Dad to doctor visit, then to HyVee for soup. First time he’s been out in a month and a half. He enjoyed it. So did I. And he got to meet lots of people from his past that really missed him at HyVee. He cried a lot when he saw everyone there who loved him and Mom (there were times when they went to HyVee every single day for breakfast… $1.99 senior special).

But then I took him to the house and the depression starts and it keeps going on and on and I want to get away from it.

Then I hear people’s voices saying “Well, just keep getting him out of the house more often” or ” Just try to cheer him up” or “Just watch some TV things you both like”.

And all I want to say, when I hear those things and I still have to be around his depression hour after hour after hour, is just…

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

I can’t take it. This constant negativity and feeling like I’ve got to feed him a couple times every day and be around the depressive darkness he likes to get into many times while I’m in the house is just… BULLSHIT!!! (to me, at least)

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

The pressure is sometimes feeling so high like my mind and heart and being are just going to POP. Burst like a balloon.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to pass this burden off onto. I don’t know if I can make it through one more minute of one more day.

GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

So that’s how I’m feeling right now, this now moment. That’s how this supposedly “Highly Evolved Spiritual BEING” is feeling… right now.

Pardon my rant.

Aloha, Kp