Kp Message 1-14-20… “Feeling Useless”

Right now, I just had a massive break down, crying, and sobbing, and just feeling useless. Has to do with my Dad. He tries very hard to get around and do things on his own, but he has a Parkinson condition and has to use a walker, and can’t move too fast.

He wants to help, but for most things physical he cannot, so that’s why I’m here. His mind still seems to be fairly sharp, though.

I heard him crying out in pain from the other room (he has a pain on one side of his chest sometimes due to an operation a few years ago). He asked me to see if a blanket was covering his feet (as he watches TV on his side, sometimes), and I straightened the blanket out to cover his feet, and he reached out to hold my hand… and that’s when I left the room quickly and went to my room and just started sobbing.

I felt so useless to help him. I feel so useless sometimes.

That’s what came out.

I’m not sure completely what this is all about. It’s largely a thing within me that wants to help him, but I just don’t know what to do.

I know when I put this on the blog I’ll get suggestions and suggestions, but in the end it’s up to me to choose for him. I don’t even know if he wants to remain here.

Today, I just felt so bad at hearing him in pain, and then him trying to help me with financial matters, and telling me details about the farm they own, etc.

I don’t know what to do right now.

So I’m just going to rest.

Aloha, Kp